Every night I plug my cell phone in to charge it up. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I unplug my phone and quickly realise that it has not charged; I didn’t plug it in fully, or I got some dirt in there or something. This morning I felt like that uncharged phone. I felt flat. I had expected things to be different by now.
I do not spend a lot of time reading the news about the pandemic, but I do read some stories from CBC news. I want to be aware of who I should be praying for, and I want to be aware of any new breakthrough. And I was expecting some big changes over Easter and Passover. All I found was some cautious optimism. That is good, but not nearly as much as I had been hoping for. And I have to admit the ongoing isolation is not something that I am enjoying. Easier when the weather is cold, but my summers are my favourite time of the year – times for rowing, playing tennis outside, golfing, swimming, hanging outside with family and friends. To read that I will not be permitted to do that for a while yet is, well, very difficult for me. And then I read of others suffering so much more than me, and I feel guilty for feeling sad. I learned many years ago, however, that denying my emotions is not a healthy option, so instead I brought everything to my Heavenly Daddy.
Psalm 105 just happened to be where I was reading today, and how perfect it was for me! It starts by encouraging readers to give thanks for all the glorious things that God has done. My heart response, I have to admit, was that God had not done enough. Yes I am grateful for a wonderful home, for a husband who is loving and kind to share this home with me, for a dog who makes sure I keep walking outside every day, for groceries which my daughter took time out from her busy schedule to go and buy for me, and oh for so many more things. But I wanted more. And I believed, and continue to believe, that my Heavenly Daddy has more for me.
When I read on in the Psalm, it was talking about how God had cared for Israel over and over. The part that really struck me, though, was the story of Joseph. God had given Joseph a dream when he was a young man, of his brothers and parents bowing down to him. He unwisely shared the dream with his family, and that did not work out well for him. Even though he may have made some immature choices, through everything that happened to him he continued to trust God. He did not seem to get angry or bitter at God, and neither did he seem to blame God when things did not go the way he would have liked them to. Joseph continued to live a righteous life, making choices to please the God who he served rather than choosing to help himself. This is what it says in Psalm 105:19 “God’s promise to Joseph purged his character until it was time for his dreams to come true.” That was in the Passion, and the same verse in the NIV, although I think I need to include the previous verse too “They bruised his feet with shackles, his neck was put in irons, till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the Lord proved him true.” Joseph suffered until what God had shared with him in his dreams actually happened. God did not cause the suffering, but he made use of it, to help Joseph become the man he was called to be. And today God did not cause the pandemic, but until he completely removes it he is making use of our circumstances to help us become the people he wants us to be. And it is up to each one of us how we respond.
My Heavenly Daddy does want me to be able to go rowing again soon. It is important to me, and so it is important to him. And when I sit on my boat, and push away from the dock, I will be giving thanks to God. And until then, I will also be giving thanks to God. I choose to remain faithful, to give thanks, to praise and worship, and to intercede for the needs I am aware of. And I feel charged up again.